Do You Have a Difficult Colleague or Team? Check out these 2 Things to Try — and 2 Mistakes to Avoid

Early in my career, I had a colleague I worked with for about six months before I confronted her about why she and I did not seem to be on the same page. She said that something I said to her in her second week made her so mad, she refused to work with me. The comment was a joke (and not a tasteless one) — but it irreparably affected our working relationship. No matter what I tried, it was too late.

So how do you avoid this? Let’s start with what not to do:

Mistake #1: Watch out for one-sided humor.

Ever made a joke and no one laughed? What about if you made a joke and everyone but the person in it laughed? Humor is subjective. If you have a tough relationship with someone, best to keep it professional — or make yourself the subject of the joke, not someone else.

Mistake #2: Don’t escalate all the time.

If you need this person or team to get something done, don’t CC management all the time when you need to talk to them. It draws a line in the sand that is the equivalent of when my kids tattle on each other before ever trying to work it out. Your first try should be one-on-one — and you should ALWAYS tell the person or team you need to escalate before doing so.

Side note: Doing this also makes you look weak — like you can’t maneuver without your boss.

So how do you make it better?

Tip #1: Find their value and acknowledge it.

Most leaders, people or teams have value they add to the organization. Often, we get buried in frustration and become blind to the value they add. Take a step back, figure out what that is, and acknowledge it when you talk (be genuine — fake praise can be smelled a mile away).

Tip #2: Use the pyramid.

This one was huge for me, but I’d recommend reading The Outward Mindset by The Arbinger Institute. Getting out of the box with the person, building relationships, etc. are essential in building a good relationship in the future.

Will these tips fix all your problems? Maybe not — some people can just be hard to work with. However, you can be assured that you tried to make things go right, instead of helping things go wrong.

More on the #Arbinger pyramid here: https://www.arbingerinstitute.com/Blog/A_Blueprint_for_Outward_Change

What tips would you share with others?

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